04 March 2011

Donnie Kendall's Random Ramblings

So Mariah Carey is pregnant. Donnie always wondered what a Treasure Troll would look like with a bun in the oven.

If the saying goes, "Time flies when you're having fun", then why is it a compliment to say, "Time stands still when I'm with you"?

Having to sit through a "special musical episode" of any television show is about as awesome as rolling over on a morning boner.

How dare Grace Jones! Using her time machine to steal present-day ideas from the "completely original" Lady GaGa, and then taking them back to the past? Unspeakable! (Donnie adored you in Pee-Wee's Christmas Special, by the way.)

Brain dead numb-nuts with zero acting ability in a scripted environment = Reality T.V. How the eff?

Hey Barack Obama! The novelty of America's "first black" President has worn off. Feel free to get off your ass and actually DO something now.

Head of programming at a major news company: "Let's see... we have wars going on... gas prices are about to reach five dollars a gallon in the states... we have new proof that the oil spill thing will actually destroy the planet and it's inhabitants for generations to come... there's the passionate cry for justice among the gays... but HOLD THE PHONE! What's THIS?! Justin Bieber got a haircut?! O M mother fuggin' G! That's our top story! Roll with it!"

Donnie came across one of those do-it-yourself books that apparently shows kids how to build their own Urklebot.

Charlie Sheen. Ugh. Donnie is so sick of that turd. How many chances can one jacked-up douche-pickle get? At least one good thing might come from the tragedy that is Charles... maybe that annoyingly lame piece of garbage "Two And A Half Men" will finally get canned. Alf. Now that was a sitcom.

"Whoopie Pie" seems to be a trending topic across the U.S. for some reason. Donnie doesn't know much about it, other than Ted Danson once loved the hell out of it in the 1990s.


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