13 August 2016

Random Ramblings: Presidential Buffoons, Stinky Flowers, And Sesame Street

With all of the nonsense in the world slapping you in the face like a pair of double-d sized knockers on a long-distance runner, it's easy for your mind to slip into auto pilot. Your thoughts take on a life of their own, and dance through your head for your own amusement. These strange thoughts can hold you hostage at the most inappropriate times. You forget that you're standing in line at a bank (sperm or otherwise), and allow these thoughts to put a creepy smile on your puss, make you giggle, or the worst of all, let out a little snort while you try NOT to make a scene. Donnie has these thoughts, too. Here are a few of his "Random Ramblings"...

If Hollywood loves anything, it's a crappy remake of a classic movie. And now, all the rage seems to be making crappy remakes with an all-chick cast. So Donnie has a pitch for you, Hollywood. After watching this broad allow herself to publicly climax over a balloon, this baby wrote itself.

Donald Trump looks like an ear of corn raped a sweet potato.

That yogurt that makes you crap must be some good stuff. Jamie Lee Curtis looks great.
Recently, folks all over the world flew off their collective nuts over a plant. That's right. A mother-fluffin' PLANT. People were glued to their mobile devices to watch a live stream of an Amorphophallus titanum (Corpse Flower) bloom for the first time in over a decade, and release an awful stench. Hey, if y'all idiots are interested in something that refuses to do anything for 10 years at a time and smells like a dead elephant sh!tting itself, Donnie has an ex you could stand around and gawk at.

So Sesame Workshop apparently gave the axe to three long-time cast members. Bob, Luis, and Gordon are reportedly history after over forty years of talking to fleece-wrapped fingers. Bob McGrath, Emilio Delgado and Roscoe Orman deserve better than to be victims of this "retooling". Who does Donnie blame for this new half-hour, bastardized version of the beloved children's program? HBO. Since this HBO deal, Sesame Street just isn't the same. What's next, HBO? Do you plan to screw Donnie's childhood up even more by rebooting your tired old franchises with "fresh meat"?! Screw you, HBO. Workshop, do the right thing and bring the boys back.


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