19 January 2010

Just Another Day At The Office

I have seen some crazy shit in my life but I swear that working for Gimme Your Hand Entertainment is enough to twist your mind right out of your skull. Everyone that contributes to this website will usually send their content in to the Administrator for posting, or we post it ourselves from our own laptops without ever needing to see each other. Today was different. The whole GYHE staff (minus Donnie Kendall) had a face to face creative meeting today. It dawned on me that I work with the biggest group of freaks on the planet. No joke, Howard Stern has nothing on us.

First, I run into Kylee Wylde. She is one of those chicks that tries to make you think she's some sweet angel who is into saving the planet, and helping orphans and protecting endangered birds with broken wings and shit. This chick is a psycho. Not a good, ride me till I'm raw while screaming, "What's my name, BITCH" psycho either. She was all up in my face getting pissy just because I spilled my Red Bull on her new sweater. Or maybe she was pissed because I asked her if she wanted me to take it off to wash it, or just lick it clean. Whatever. She went from zero to bitch real quick.

So, I walk down the hall to the men's room to try to find a towel or something to dry off Kylee, A.K.A. 'The Ice Box', and then I see HIM for the very first time. Right in front of me was Mr. Blood. Mr. Blood is the new guy here. I have to tell you, I pissed myself a little when I saw him. This is one huge bastard. He was dressed all in black, with a cape and a top hat just like in the pics of him posted here on the website. I thought those pics were just some artist's idea of what Mr. Blood would look like, but this S.O.B. looks EXACTLY like that. Jack the fucking RIPPER much?? It was freezing all of the sudden, but I was also sweating somehow. It felt like I was being hit by lightning 1000 times over when he looked at me with those piercing eyes. I couldn't talk. I just stood there looking like a dick with my mouth twitching, trying to put out a sound. As he walked closer, his eyes never left me. He paused for a split second as he was right next to me. I looked up at him, and he HAS to be like 7 feet tall, he gave me a smile that will haunt even my grandchildren, and just then 2 lights in the hallway exploded! NO SHIT!! I thought I was either going to die right then and there, or Ashton was bringing PUNK'D back. Blood then walked into the dark end of the hall where the meeting was taking place and I went into the bathroom to collect myself. I no longer gave a damn about Kylee's sweater. I had to figure out how I was going to explain my reaction to Mr. Blood without looking like a mental case, or an uber-pussy. This guy really knew how to intimidate, but looking back, I know if he tried to swing at me I would have fucked him up with some UFC shit. A little ground and pound on his freaky ass. I would have gassed him early, and made the bitch TAP!!

When I came back to the conference room, Mr. Blood had already left, and the Administrator was eating the last lemon filled donut that was SUPPOSED to be mine. They said Mr. Blood just dropped off some movie quotes and left without saying a word. They asked me if I saw him and what I thought of him. My thought is this guy has to be legally insane. I don't know if he was burned or if he just mutilated his own face, but he is way too into the horror shit. He is a living horror movie. But in horror movies, the sluts are always the first ones to die, so I'm safe for now. Kylee should start saying her goodbyes though. But as long as Kylee is still around, I sure as hell wouldn't mind a little 'ground and POUND' with her.

Speaking of sluts, Donnie never did show up. Actually I have nothing bad to say about the guy. He has always helped me out when it comes to dating. He hooked me up with lots of chicks before. He said they were his 'left-overs'. He does seem to be a confident person that enjoys the mirror a little too much. He sometimes gives me a strange vibe too, but that's just something you have to get use to if you are going to be a part of the freak show that is Gimme Your Hand Entertainment.

I'm Rex Delany, and you can bet your ass I'm calling in sick next time.


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