04 June 2011

Tito Ortiz Gets Naked And TNA Dumps Chyna For Doing Porn

Put the kids to bed. Here we go...

UFC star Tito Ortiz is back in the news thanks to a naked picture of him that was "leaked by hackers" onto our interwebs. Of course, I call bullshit. Why is it when so-called celebrities start to fade from relevance, their iPhones and Twitter accounts get "hacked" by people who post butt-ass naked pics of them for the world to see? I thought it was bad enough having to see Lindsay Lohan's floppy, drug-educed, barf-encrusted cooter. Now the world is gawking at Tito's shit bits.

Surprisingly, Ortiz isn't the first MMA star to flash the old swingin' biscuits in publicly viewed photos. Frank "Twinkle Toes" Trigg posed naked on a couch with his legs proudly spreading like a disease. I just have to ask, WHY IN THE FUCK?!

But, I digress. Maybe people like that utter douche-twat Chris Brown feel like they have to do something desperate to keep their names fresh in our minds. Maybe Tito Ortiz feels like his star is fading. Damn shame. I actually like watching Tito fight. He doesn't need to start conducting himself like the Britney's and Lindsay's and Chris bitch-ass Browns of the world. Tito, bro, get your shit together and work towards beating the sweet bejeezus out of Matt Mitrione in a cage. I'd much rather see that instead of your tweeter.

In a slightly related story, the "Ninth Wonder Of The World", Chyna, was apparently told thanks but no thanks as far as working as a regular in Impact Wrestling (formerly TNA). Chyna (Joanie Laurer) made her return to wrestling at a recent Impact taping as the surprise partner of Kurt Angle. It has been rumored that she was in talks for a long-term gig with the company, but that seems to have fallen through thanks to Chyna's new X-rated flick, "Backdoor To Chyna" set to be released later this month. I guess The folks at Impact Wrestling are ok with showing close-ups of the Beautiful People's asses and boobies as they dry hump a ring rope, but Chyna taking it up the old crinkly star makes them nervous.

When asked to comment, Chyna reportedly responded, "The whole thing has been constant drama. It's all good in the end. (Impact Wrestling) is missing the boat."

Damnit! I like Chyna. I was as happy as Arnold Schwarzenegger pokin' a maid when I saw Chyna return on Impact. The crowd popped hard.... just like Arnold.... pokin'.... well, you get it. I really was hoping Joanie had her life in order. Maybe she does. I really wish we could have seen more of her in the world of wrestling, and less of her in the titty flicks.

What have we learned here today? Not a damn thing other than, if you get naked in front of a camera, part of you must WANT people to see what you got going on. But when those pics come back to slap you in the cock sucker, don't bitch about it fucking up your life.

I'm Rex Delaney, and I bet Arnold screams "AAAARRRGGGGEEEARRRGH!" like you hear in every one of his movies when he climaxes.


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