Paul Bearer Passed Away

For those of you expecting a crude and obnoxious article written by a self-centered, ego-driven pig of a man, you'll have to wait for Donnie's next post. If you don't mind, "Donnie" is going to step out of his comfort zone and address something that has been thrashing about in his mind for the past few days.

 

It doesn't matter if you called the guy William Moody, Percy Pringle III, or Paul Bearer. On March 5, 2013 the world lost a man with a loving soul and a kind heart who had a passion for entertaining millions. I will refer to this man as "Paul", because that's who he was to me as I was growing up. I remember Paul Bearer with the ghostly white face and the high pitched voice screaming "Ooooooh Yeeeeess!" as he stood next to some new guy in the world of pro wrestling - an evil entity with super human strength and super natural abilities who would be known the world over as the Undertaker. Just the visual of these two men together was enough to keep you adhered to your most comfy spot in front of the TV every Saturday. Back then, wrestling had something it lacks today. Maybe it was the larger than life characters, maybe it was the fact that the people who were allowed on air actually had talent, or maybe it's just because everything is cooler when you're a kid... I don't know. I won't go into great detail about how much better everything was when I was little, but I will say at least wrestling was watchable back in those days. It was WWF, not WWE. It was Vince McMahon shouting, "WHAT A MANEUVER!" as you took out a WWF ice cream bar before it dripped all over the carpet. It was yelling at the Macho Man to hold the ropes for Miss Elisabeth, instead of the other way around. It was crying as Andre The Giant choked the life out The Hulkster, brother.

 

While all the neighborhood kids would say, "I'm Hulk Hogan" or "I'm Macho Man" or "I'm Bret Hart" when we would all wrestle out in the yard, yours truly wanted to be guys like Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart, Slick, or... OOOOH YEEEES, Paul Bearer. Those were the guys that got the reactions without having to be big muscle-y dudes. Run your mouth, piss people off, then run like hell. The WWF managers were good at that, and come to find out, so was I. And while I won't get into my own stint in the world of pro rasslin' (we'll save that for another time), I will say guys like Paul and Bobby inspired me to want to entertain people too. 

 

It's sad. As you get older, the things you once held close start slipping away. Your shows are cancelled, your music is no longer on the radio. Your friends move away, your "secret fort in the woods" is now a Walmart Supercenter. Your stars fade, and your heroes fall. You realize nothing will ever be like it once was, and you realize dad was right when he said, "Son, enjoy being a kid while you can, because one day you'll wake up an old man." I feel like an old man. My childhood has died.

 

Paul, I remember you reading the touching words you wrote for Owen Hart after his tragic passing. You deserve to have someone do the same for you. Of course, I'm no wordsmith... I'm just some jerk who insults people on a website. What you mean to me, and what you've meant to millions of others can't be put into words anyway. You are someone I wish I could have met in this life so I could say to you personally, thank you. Thank you for making my real life problems go away, and for taking me to a world where anything can happen. Moving forward, you will not be forgotten. May God Bless you, and the ones you leave behind.

 

 

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Undertaker Bald: New Look Or Fake Pic?

This picture of WWE Superstar, The Undertaker (Mark Calaway) was sent to us asking if we think it is real or Photoshopped. The image has created a buzz with people wondering if Mark has cancer, or is ill in some other way. These same people seem to think former Diva Michelle McCool's abrupt exit from WWE was not to start a family as she suggested, but to take care of an ailing husband. This is obviously all speculation. If it is Mark in the photo, he does seem to be sporting a new look. Then again, it could be a fake photo thrown on the web to generate a reaction. Your guess is as good as ours, so...

What do you think? REAL or FAKE?

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Tito Ortiz Gets Naked And TNA Dumps Chyna For Doing Porn

Put the kids to bed. Here we go...

UFC star Tito Ortiz is back in the news thanks to a naked picture of him that was "leaked by hackers" onto our interwebs. Of course, I call bullshit. Why is it when so-called celebrities start to fade from relevance, their iPhones and Twitter accounts get "hacked" by people who post butt-ass naked pics of them for the world to see? I thought it was bad enough having to see Lindsay Lohan's floppy, drug-educed, barf-encrusted cooter. Now the world is gawking at Tito's shit bits.

Surprisingly, Ortiz isn't the first MMA star to flash the old swingin' biscuits in publicly viewed photos. Frank "Twinkle Toes" Trigg posed naked on a couch with his legs proudly spreading like a disease. I just have to ask, WHY IN THE FUCK?!

But, I digress. Maybe people like that utter douche-twat Chris Brown feel like they have to do something desperate to keep their names fresh in our minds. Maybe Tito Ortiz feels like his star is fading. Damn shame. I actually like watching Tito fight. He doesn't need to start conducting himself like the Britney's and Lindsay's and Chris bitch-ass Browns of the world. Tito, bro, get your shit together and work towards beating the sweet bejeezus out of Matt Mitrione in a cage. I'd much rather see that instead of your tweeter.

In a slightly related story, the "Ninth Wonder Of The World", Chyna, was apparently told thanks but no thanks as far as working as a regular in Impact Wrestling (formerly TNA). Chyna (Joanie Laurer) made her return to wrestling at a recent Impact taping as the surprise partner of Kurt Angle. It has been rumored that she was in talks for a long-term gig with the company, but that seems to have fallen through thanks to Chyna's new X-rated flick, "Backdoor To Chyna" set to be released later this month. I guess The folks at Impact Wrestling are ok with showing close-ups of the Beautiful People's asses and boobies as they dry hump a ring rope, but Chyna taking it up the old crinkly star makes them nervous.

When asked to comment, Chyna reportedly responded, "The whole thing has been constant drama. It's all good in the end. (Impact Wrestling) is missing the boat."

Damnit! I like Chyna. I was as happy as Arnold Schwarzenegger pokin' a maid when I saw Chyna return on Impact. The crowd popped hard.... just like Arnold.... pokin'.... well, you get it. I really was hoping Joanie had her life in order. Maybe she does. I really wish we could have seen more of her in the world of wrestling, and less of her in the titty flicks.

What have we learned here today? Not a damn thing other than, if you get naked in front of a camera, part of you must WANT people to see what you got going on. But when those pics come back to slap you in the cock sucker, don't bitch about it fucking up your life.

I'm Rex Delaney, and I bet Arnold screams "AAAARRRGGGGEEEARRRGH!" like you hear in every one of his movies when he climaxes.

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Jericho IS Thor

If you know me, you know I love the shit out of some rasslin' and comic books. The best of both worlds happened before my eyes on G4's Attack Of The Show! I had to put a quick post up here on the site in case any of you all missed it. Damn, Chris Jericho is funny as hell. If he returns to WWE, I might actually start watching it again. Sadly, even Jericho couldn't get me to watch a nanosecond of Dancing With The Tards.

I'm Rex Delaney, and I'll be banging the hell out of Wonder Woman.

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Andre The Giant Invents The Tombstone

We've shown you Andre The Giant inventing the Attitude Adjustment (F-U, for those that remember the pre-PG WWE), and then we delighted you with Andre performing the Pedigree. Now, because of popular demand, we present to you... Andre The Giant Inventing The Tombstone Piledriver!

(And enough of the "Andre didn't invent that move, it's been done by Billy Jack So-And-So" crap. Would it kill ya to play along?!) Enjoy.

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Macho Man Returns In New WWE Game

Randy Savage is returning to WWE via an upcoming video game from THQ. The game entitled "WWE All Stars", will feature the likes of The Macho Man, Andre The Giant, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Bret "Hitman" Hart, John Cena, Big Show, and other grapplers from the past and present. WWE All Stars is set to be released on March 29, 2011. Maybe this is the first step in the direction of The Macho Man FINALLY being inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame. That man deserves to be there. I mean, come on... Pete Rose is in the HOF, for shittin' out loud.

Note to WWE: Screw the politics, or whatever issue you have with Randy, and INDUCT HIM! And while you're at it, see if he will teach your current roster how to cut a promo.

Check out the WWE All Stars game promo starring the Macho Man himself!

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Undertaker Confronts Brock Lesnar At UFC 121

Last night's UFC 121 pay-per-view was interesting to say the least. What has the world buzzing the day after the event? First off, Brock Lesnar was destroyed by Cain Velasquez in the first round. Brock seems to be "playing the heel" in his interviews, reminiscent of his days as a WWE Superstar. The problem here is, when you tell a Mexican warrior like Velasquez you are going to defeat him, then "drink a Corona and eat a burrito" outside the realm of sports entertainment, he may just legitimately beat your ass. (Not that I'm saying UFC is 100% legit. Some of the fights look a little hokey to me, but that's another story.)

Another confrontation that has people talking is the one between Brock Lesnar and WWE's Undertaker. The Undertaker was being interviewed after the bout as Brock walked by. Undertaker asked Brock, "Are you going to do it?" Brock hesitated for a moment, then kept walking without saying a word.

Some may speculate that WWE is trying to set up a match between Lesnar and "The Dead Man" for an upcoming Wrestlemania. If you ask me, this looked like an angle, but a nicely done angle. People are talking, and it will be interesting to see where this goes. As a WWE fan, it is an exciting thought to have Brock return, because, honestly, WWE has become an unwatchable joke to many. With very few exceptions, the story lines are lame, and the product is watered down and pathetic compared to the Attitude Era. This may just be the jolt that pumps new life, and hopefully, a new direction into the WWE. As a UFC fan, however, UFC really doesn't have much to gain by doing business in this way with pro wrestling. UFC doesn't need WWE to be a strong presence in the world, or to continue to grow. Why associate yourself with a promotion that admits it is not legitimate competition? That may just be a turn off to all the die hard fans that have moved on from intelligence-insulting programming such as the current WWE product.

The following videos show the confrontation between Lesnar and Undertaker, and the reaction from UFC President, Dana White. Draw your own conclusions.

-Administrator

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Andre The Giant Invents The Pedigree

Andre: Game Master

First, Gimme Your Hand Entertainment brought you video "proof" that Andre The Giant performed the Attitude Adjustment (F-U) years before John Cena was even born. Now, we will show you footage of Andre performing a version of the Pedigree years before Triple H set foot in the WWE. Don't believe us? Watch the video and see for yourself. (Of course, we added some commentary to give it that special "feel".)

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Undertaker And Michelle McCool Wedding Photo

Mark Calaway, better known to WWE fans as the Undertaker, married WWE Diva Michelle McCool last weekend in Texas. While the wrestling storyline claims Kane found his brother, the Undertaker, in a "vegetative state", he seems to be looking well in this photo taken at the ceremony. So to all of the folks going crazy on the internet claiming that the Undertaker is "really dead" or "in a coma", rest assured, you are all boobs. Not the good kind either, like the ones affixed nicely to the top half of the new Mrs. 'Taker. Taker... hell, I'd take her. *And pause for laughter.... 2, 3, 4*

JUST ADDED:
Undertaker confronts Brock Lesnar at UFC 121! Click HERE for story and video!

Later!
-Administrator

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Maybe There's Hope For WWE

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

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Donnie Rants: Awesome Kong, Arizona, WWE and Gay Archie

Lately, Donnie has been thinking a lot about how ignorant society has become. Why do so many people seem to lack common sense? For instance, Donnie has always thought that offshore drilling was just plain stupid. Why wrap up so much time and money in trying to find oil, when you could use those efforts in developing clean, renewable energy? Steam-powered cars have been around for over a hundred years. Solar-powered cars have been around since at least the seventies. You're telling Donnie we can watch a movie on our cell phones, but we can't improve on hundred year old technology to make it relevant for today? Bull snot! It's all about big business, big oil companies, and the selfish politicians who would rather hold us back than earn an honest living. Newsflash, dingus, offshore drilling is costing us lives, and is adding to the deterioration of the environment. To all the idiots who laughed at Donnie when he said the drilling was a bad idea, Donnie TOLD YOU SO. The recent gulf oil spill proves it. Do you have any idea how much of a burden it is to Donnie to ALWAYS BE RIGHT? We would all save so much time and energy if we just took Donnie's views as a given, as the be-all end-all of correctness and logic.

Another thing that makes no sense is the Immigration Law that some inbred, hickity-hick hillbillies in Arizona just passed. They are forcing people who look Hispanic to "show them their papers". How the FLUFF is this not RACIST? Of course, they say it's not a form of racial profiling, and that the utmost care will be exercised when asking individuals to prove their citizenship. What a load of crap. It's just another way for rich, racist, wastes of sperm to promote their agenda. You know who else used to ask people for their papers when they feared those people were different than them? NAZIS. Yeah, Donnie said it.

At least the folks at Archie Comics are taking a step toward equality. So, Donnie has to give them wicked, mad-phat props for that. Archie Comics is set to debut their first openly gay character, Kevin Keller. And he's supposed to be a real person, not one of those ridiculous stereotypes that exist in "reality" television, and in the minds of pathetic losers who think all gay people are abominations who will rot in hell. Disney is also trying to even the playing field by creating the first male "Tinkerbell" on their online gaming / social networking site, Pixie Hollow. Now, maybe dudes won't have to keep their Pixie fix a secret. Who is Donnie kiddin'? Donnie would still slap the ever-lovin' BE-JE-JE out of anyone on that site. Bring it on, fairy farts!

And now Donnie has to ask, what the eff happened to WWE? You have A guy who was getting a decent push, Kofi Kingston, now working dark matches before pay-per-views instead of working ON them, just because Randy mother humpin' Orton is a whine tit? (Randy deserved our Fat Sack Of Crap Award for so many reasons.) You have Dolph Ziggler, a good looking, well conditioned athlete, who was once a contender for your Intercontinental title, jobbing to a leprechaun. And, your women's division is garbage. It seems that T&A should take a backseat to actual ability, especially in a "PG" world, but that would just make sense. You have Beth Phoenix who can actually perform, but she needs someone to work off of. Off the top of Donnie's head, how about, oh, AMAZING FRIGGIN' KONG?! How is Amazing /Awesome Kong NOT on the WWE roster? Sign her immediately, and put her in a program with Beth Phoenix. But do it right. Lead up to it. Don't just blow your load early with no place to go afterward. These women can make the women's division worth watching again. Donnie would love to have seen Beth and Kong working back in the days of Chyna and Nicole Bass. Throw in some Sensational Sheri, Rockin' Robin, Trish, Lita, Molly Holly and Lisa Marie Varon (Victoria / Tara), and THAT'S an amazing start to a worth-while female roster. (Google them. Then you will realize women in wrestling were not always a joke.)

Speaking of stupid moves by WWE, how the FART do you trade Jim Ross for Matt Stryker? Stryker is just a putz who's full of facts that no one gives a hooker's deep, diseased crevice about. And Donnie can't even hear the punk half the time. SPEAK UP, DOUCHE! Better yet, just go away. (And by the way, anyone who has seen Stryker's pee-pee in his "leaked onto the internets" pictures and thinks he's impressive, has OBVIOUSLY not had the pleasure of peering at Donnie's WANG-DANG-ER.) On the other hand, Ross put so much into his commentary. Emotion. Heart. Wrestling world story telling at it's best. WWE could really use Ross' talent, especially now because, well, let's face it. Raw needs all the help it can get. Case-in-point: Khaluber.

Can you believe this was once the monster that pinned
The Undertaker cleanly using just ONE FOOT?

Later turds,

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Undertaker Burned In Pyro Accident

Undertaker Dodges A Bullet

Last night at a WWE pay-per-view, Mark Calaway, known to wrestling fans as The Undertaker, was burned by pyro that went off during his entrance. Mark was momentarily engulfed in flames, and ran from the fire while shedding his trademark trench coat. Several eye witnesses reported Mark to be physically shaken while dousing himself with bottles of water during the Elimination Chamber match, in which he still worked as scheduled. After the match concluded, Mark reportedly walked back up the entrance ramp, paused, and yelled something at the pyrotechnic crew while making a threatening gesture. Mark's injuries include light burns to his chest equivalent to a sunburn , and is said to be doing well. This is not the first pyro accident involving The Undertaker's theatrical entrance/exit. Many remember the incident at Wrestlemania 24 that resulted in dozens of fans being injured due to another pyro malfunction.

Here are two different angles of the Elimination Chamber incident:

Our hats off to The Undertaker. That's one tough and dedicated performer. I think the only fight I would have participated in after becoming a 'Taker-kabob would be the one where I beat the hell out of whom ever effed up my flame spewer.

-Administrator

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Andre The Giant Invents John Cena's F-U!

Kickin' It Old School

Recently, a video was posted on GimmeYourHand.com of a young Andre the Giant performing choreographed martial arts in a film from 1967. An anonymous GYHE staff member noticed that, in that scene, Andre may have invented the finisher used by WWE's Jonh Cena, known as the "Attitude Adjustment" (previously the "F-U"). We added a little music, and some classic commentary to the clip, and, well... the result is intriguing to say the least. Did Andre the Giant invent the F-U? Watch this video, and you be the judge.

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Andre The Giant Knows Kung Fu!

Anyone under twenty years old may think of Andre The Giant as just another unlock-able character in a video game, but for those of us who are old enough to remember watching him entertain in the world of pro wrestling, he is a legend. Billed as 7'4" and well over 500 pounds, Andre was obviously not your average guy. There are so many stories about Andre's super-human strength from the men and women who knew him, yet they all seem to agree he was a gentle giant who appreciated his privacy. Reports of Andre lifting a car to allow a fellow wrestler to change a flat tire, to his ability to put away enough liquor to kill a man five times over, are truly remarkable pieces of professional wrestling lore. It seems everyone who shares a memory of Andre does it with a great deal of love and respect to the man known as "The Boss". That is a testament to the life of André René Roussimoff, a man with a keen wit, infectious smile, and a kind heart.

Andre The Giant and the greatest wrestling manager
of all time (in my opinion) Bobby "The Brain" Heenan

I came across this video one day, and had to share it here, on this site. For a guy who grew up watching Andre The Giant beating down the Hulkster in his later years, the following video seemed a little surreal to me. Due to Andre's age and condition (Acromegaly, a syndrome that results when the pituitary gland produces excess growth hormone), he reached a point where he could not move around the ring as fast or easily as most men in the sport. That was Andre in his 40's. Andre appears to be in his 20's in this clip from "Casse-Tête Chinois Pour Le Judoka", and was pretty light on his feet. It's cool to see a young Andre The Giant doing Kung Fu! (And spare the e-mails about, "He's NOT doing Kung Fu!" I don't know what form of exaggerated movie martial art he's doing...I just like the idea of Andre doing Kung Fu. Anyone who doesn't like the sound of it should be slapped in the face with a boiling pot of gravy.)

To the readers, enjoy. To Andre, thank you for the fond memories. I am proud to be a part of your Posse!

-Administrator

Design By Shepard Fairey

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Fat Sack Of Crap Award: Randy Orton

We here at Gimme Your Hand Entertainment are proud to present our first Fat Sack Of Crap Award to none other than Randy Orton!

Randy has always been a top contender for this prestigious award, but what put him over the top are his actions that took place on January 8 of this year. On the night of January 8, Randy Orton allegedly assaulted a 15 year old boy outside Kowloon Restaurant in Saugus, MA. It was reported that the 6'4", 245-pound Orton cursed at, spit his gum on, and called a young teenage boy a derogatory name. What caused Orton to lash out with such rage? The boy asked for a picture with him. The mother of the boy says when she confronted the former WWE Champion, he simply replied, "so sue me".

A hearing request was filed against Orton on charges of simple assault and battery. Whether or not Randy Orton will be held accountable in this altercation has not yet been determined. But you can rest assured that GimmeYourHand.com will voice our opinion. Given the background of anger issues, such as trashing hotel rooms, verbal and physical assault, and being a genuine, full-of-himself piece of garbage, Gimme Your Hand Entertainment proudly presents this award. If ever there was a more fitting recipient, you would be hard pressed to find him.

To WWE: You need to step in and take action. Sitting idly by while your "Superstars" have displayed self-destructive behavior has not worked out well in the past.

To Randy Orton: Get some counseling. If not, it's just a matter of time before things end very, very badly.

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RAW Is SH!T

Monday Night RAW used to be the place to be for wrestling fans. Monday nights featured superstars who knew how to entertain and give the people what they want. Now however, RAW is the place to be to watch some "celebrity" plug their latest product or cause. Wrestling story lines have to take a backseat to the celebri-whores. Not that the story lines are worth two squirts of donkey piss anyway. You would think a wrestling show that once featured monster trucks smashing cars outside an arena, beer trucks driven to the ring for the sake of blasting people with wacky suds, and (dare I say) a WRESTLING MATCH every now and then would at least be somewhat entertaining today. Sadly, a watered-down, diluted, half-assed attempt at a wrestling product is what passes for WWE programming nowadays. If you don't remember the WWF (not WWE) attitude era, I suggest you run out and rent a pay-per-view from 1998-2000 and compare it to the abortion you currently see on Monday nights. Yes, it was a bit harsh at times, but it made people want to watch. There once was a saying that went, "Anything can happen in the WWF(E)!" Now the saying should be, "You can predict this bullshit weeks in advance!"

The formula for any given episode of RAW is almost as secret as the formula for Coca-Cola, but here it is:

Monday Night RAW Formula = Guest host appears, plugs their crap, gets interrupted. Guest host makes a match that no one cares about because it has been seen a million times. Cram as many lousy ideas and hellacious skits down the fan's throat as humanly possible. (Little People's Court?! Come the FUCK ON!) Throw in a 'Diva's' match that features mostly stripper looking bitches that are about as talented as ass fuzz. Oh, can't forget to include Santino's Comedy Club and the Chavo Moment of Humiliation! Make sure to disrespect Vickie while you're at it. And for the love of god, remember to have Michael Cole tell us a MILLION FUCKING times that we are watching "The longest running weekly episodic television show in history"!! Then, you tease the audience and make them think a new 'star' will be born, but of course that won't happen because we have to see HHH and HBK in every segment acting poorly and about as funny as having your left nut slammed in a car door, trying to sell us more useless merchandise (all while boring the life out of me). Hunter, we get it. You're banging the bosses daughter! You have "Ultimate Power"! Hey, DX! I got TWO WORDS for ya: "GO AWAY!" And finally, end with either a befuddled John Cena in the ring vowing to get back at "the man" for trying to rip apart his dignity, or a shot of a psycho looking Randy Orton who seems to always move slowly as to not squash the gerbil up his ass. AAAAAAAAANNND SCENE! That's it boys! Good show! Let's just keep poppin' 'em out like that Octo-mom!

The December 14 edition of RAW was a 3 hour show, and the crowd was dead silent for practically the whole thing. Vince McMahon came out and said they were a terrible audience, and asked if the crowd had "passed away" before the show started. No Vince, your product probably bored them to death. Just a suggestion: if you don't have enough entertaining content to fill a 2 hour show, don't try to stretch it out to 3 hours. RAW is boring, unfunny, not entertaining, and lame as hell. It's nothing like it used to be. RAW used to be the show no one wanted to miss. Trying to sit through it now is painful. It's hard for the fans to give a shit when it seems like no one in WWE gives a shit. I just want to scream, "FIRE RUSSO!!" But alas, you can no longer blame him for this garbage. Leave the kiddie loving PG shit on Smackdown, and make Monday nights RAW again!

On January 4, 2010, TNA Wrestling (on Spike TV) will run head-to-head against Monday Night Raw (on USA) for the first time. It's just a one time shot for now to test the waters. For the sake of wrestling fans everywhere, I hope TNA pulls big numbers that night. Competition is good. It brings out the best in people. WWE needs to get shaken up a little. Maybe this and the rumored return of Bret "Hitman" Hart (as long as they actually utilize him and not bring him aboard just to bury him) will finally get WWE to pull their heads out of their asses, and get back to what made people watch them in the first place. Chavo in a bull suit getting a frog splash from a leprechaun just ain't cutting it.

Oh, and P.S. Break away ladders now? Lame.

I'm Rex Delaney and if you don't like it, you can kiss my ass! *Peace*

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